The Mud Puppy (mudpuppy83) wrote in b_movies,
The Mud Puppy

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Some thoughts on King Kong vs. Godzilla and King Kong Escapes...

I did this on my journal a while back and I'd posted it a few other places, but thought it might fit here as well.

Thoughts on King Kong vs. Godzilla:

--How exactly does one drive a submarine into an f-ing iceberg? Hello, solid friggin' object! Sonar?! Hello?!

--Still, nothing is as badass as Godzilla bashing his way out of an iceberg.

--Gotta love a movie where not only do the explorers give natives cigarettes, they give said cigarettes to the adults and the children. Lung cancer and nicotene addiction for everyone!

--If the magic berries, the "Soma," are non-habit forming and non-narcotic...why in the name of Poseidon would a giant octopus crawl out of the ocean in pursuit of the berry's juice? Why would King Kong drink it like he was paying a visit to the local bar?

--The matte backdrop is painfully obvious during the giant octopus's rampage.

--Whose idiotic idea was it to replace most if not all of the late Akira Ifukube's music w/ stock themes from Creature From The Black Lagoon? We're supposed to be rooting for Kong, why would we be horrified that he survived the craft being dynamited?

--The Kong suit really is pathetic. It's still better than the one in King Kong Escapes, though. On the other hand, the Godzilla suit rules--though the one in the next movie, Mothra vs. Godzilla, was a lot cooler and is my personal favorite.

--I understand why the American Distributors would want it to seem like Godzilla had never appeared before. After all, this is a famous character pitted against another famous character. But if Godzilla had never appeared before--how come everyone, including a white helicopter pilot, knows his name?

--Dr. Johnson is the worst scientist ever. If Godzilla had a brain the size of a marble, as he claims Godzilla does, he would be unable to move. You can't have a brain that small in a creature that massive! Also, how the Hell did he know King Kong grows stronger from electricty? Wouldn't it be more surprising if all of a sudden we find that out instead of him knowing ahead of time? Especially since if Kong didn't have that advantage, he'd be boned.

--When exactly did Godzilla become bothered by electricity? Prior to this movie he tore through millions of volts w/out a second thought. After this movie he just seemed mildly annoyed by it, and by Godzilla vs. The Sea Monster he got energy from it. (Granted, Sea Monster was supposed to star King Kong, not Godzilla) In this film, electricity is kryptonite to Godzilla.

--Did nobody on the dubbing team know that it's "Ho-kai-do" not "Ho-kay-odd-o"? It's hysterical when the two women are talking about the heroine going to "Ho-kay-odd-o" and then we cut back to the Japanese newscaster going "Do not go to Hokaido." It's funny on so many levels.

--Godzilla would barbeque Kong and eat his charred corpse in a fair fight. Everybody knows that.

--Nice of Dr. Johnson to realy his knowledge about Kong eating electricity for breakfast to the Japanese military. They seemed mighty surprised when Kong gnawed on their high tension wires before smashing their barricade down and advancing on Tokyo.

--Here's a tip: Never, Ever get on a train w/ this film's heroine. The first train she was on, Godzilla attacked. The second train King Kong picked up and threw into a building after plucking her out of it.

--King Kong doesn't just like blondes. He's also quite partial to Asians it would appear. I dunno what he wants w/ a woman the size of his thumb, though. Of course, she ought to actually be smaller than they have her scaled at in his hand.

--Much as I love how they bring Kong to Godzilla by carrying him w/ balloons--why would you drop your giant ape from a couple hundred feet onto a mountain and expect him to fight the radioactive, fire-breathing dinosaur? What if he landed on his head?

--I love the bit where Kong grabs Godzilla's tail and is holding it up--and then suddenly flies backwards. I think we're supposed to assume that Godzilla flung Kong w/ his tail...but it really looks like Godzilla just let loose a radioactive fart that was so bad, Kong flung himself away. Silent, but cancer-inducing!

--Gotta love the brief stop-motion jump kick Godzilla delivers to Kong.

--I always laugh at the puppet Kong fighting the puppet Godzilla. Especially because the Godzilla puppet appears to be a plastic figure on a stick.

--Freddy vs. Jason totally ripped this movie off. Transporting the "good" monster to a place where he can fight the "bad" monster using a rather dubious method of transportation. Giving one of your monsters a weakness to a particular element in nature he previously had not even remotely possessed. Having both monsters fall into a body of water and one coming up. Ending w/ a shot of your victorious monster emerging from the water...

--King Kong won? Yeah, right. Whaddaya wanna bet that as soon as the camera cut away, King Kong was suddenly yanked back under the water? Even if Godzilla did let Kong swim away, I doubt Kong would have survived. Apes aren't very good swimmers and I imagine Faro Island is a very, very long way away from Japan. He probably drowned before he passed Indonesia!

Unlike King Kong vs. Godzilla, I had only seen like the first fourth of King Kong Escapes before I got the DVD, but oh do I have a few thoughts.

--The U.S. Distributors this time weren't stupid enough to replace Akira Ifukube's score. It's a delightful beginning to the film.

--Couldn't they possibly have found a LESS annoying voice actor for Lt. Susan Watson?

--I bet the American Commander instructed the sub's helmsmen to drive it into a rock slide just so they could stop at Mondo Island.

--Where is Mondo Island, anyways? Next to Hepcat Trench and Daddio Reef?

--Dr. Who rocks. He's like a Bond villain who decided that British superspies weren't challenging enoough, so he decided to take on a 60-foot gorilla instead.

--I dunno why Madam X isn't impressed w/ Mecha-Kong. He's the coolest giant gorilla robot ever.

--I hope if I'm ever an "international Judas" like Dr. Who, that I can have a base at the North pole conveniently located next to a huge vein of a mysterious and powerful element w/ a robot gorilla to dig it out for me so I can sell it to unnamed countries. Of course, perferably my giant robot wouldn't short circuit due to the mysterious element and force me to use the real giant gorilla I based it on.

--How exactly did they recover Mecha-Kong? First of all, Element X is hugely radioactive, so any human in its vicinity would probably die merely from exposure. And a 60-foot robot would weigh at least a few hundred tons. Good luck getting that bastard out.

--It's so annoying that they totally set up a romance between Akira Takarada's character and Lt. Watson, yet it's implied that she ends up w/ the white guy. Takarada is the one who friggin' saves her repeatedly, if she's giving it up to anybody it ought to be him.

--Dig that totally 60s hovercar.

--Yeah, good idea guys, leave the woman alone so the Gorosaurus can find her and attempt to eat her. "You'e safer here," my ass!

--Incidentally, the Commander (the white guy) talks about the island as if he'd visited it before. How in the Hell did he manage to miss the huge freakin' dinosaur?

--I used to think the Kong suit in King Kong vs. Godzilla was lame. Then I saw this one. Seriously, what in the Hell is that? A walking carpet w/ a paper mache head? Not to mention the world's goofiest expression. Seriously, it's an embarassingly bad suit--and it's even worse when it gets wet. Though Gorosaurus is, as usual, freakin' boss. His legs may be a little bit goofy due to the limits of the suit, but he's still a great dinosaur design and great suit.

--As bad as the Kong suit is, though, the puppet for close-ups of his face is even worse.

--You gotta love that they had the balls to completely rip-off the Kong vs. T-Rex fight from the original King Kong in this movie. Let me tell ya, Willis O'Brien has nothing to worry about. Even better, gotta love how breaking Gorosaurus's jaw makes him spit up soap bubbles instead of, oh, say, blood...

--Gotta love that sea serpent Kong fights. I dunno the last time I've seen somebody so obviously wrap a lifeless prop around themselves, except for the infamous octopus in Ed Wood's Bride of the Monster.

--Why does Susan talk to Kong w/ sign language? He ain't friggin' Koko, he's a giant ape that hasn't been around humans his whole life!

--I love it when Dr. Who kindnaps Kong and the native guy comes up to object in his native language. Dr. Who smiles and says, "Yes, Kong's mine now," and then shoots the guy three times. Not only is it a sweet villain moment, it's pretty freakin' hysterical, to boot. Especially how Dr. Who reacts as if nothing happened afterwards.

--"He's been shot." Thank you, Lt. Watson, you've earned your nursing degree. And how would an island native in the Pacific know what a "gutter rat" is?

--Bad as the suit and the puppet are, the full-size props for his ears and feet are pretty cool, if not exactly convincing (they're not the same color as the suit, for instance). The hand prop? Eh, not so much.

--Man, the zipper and the headpiece on the Kong suit could only have been more obvious if they were covered by reflector tape.

--I love the henchman that drops his toolbox, or lunch pail, or something on Kong's nose and wakes him up. Imagine, "Aww, man, my grandfather gave me that wrench! Hold my legs--I'm going in!"

--The Arctic set is pretty freakin' sweet. In fact, the Antarctic set from Godzilla: Final Wars isn't too far off from it.

--This movie is a better remake of King Kong than the 1970s Dino de Laurentiis remake was. Sure, the Kong suit in that film was better than this one, but at least this one had Kong fight a giant Tyrannosaur-like dinosaur and a sea serpent, whereas the 70s remake just had Kong fight a rather lame snake that actually wasn't any more convincing than the prop sea serpent in this film.

--Peter Jackson should totally remake this film. Imagine, a CGI Kong fighting three CGI Gorosauruses, two giant eels, and some giant bugs. Then, a thrilling showdown between Kong and a CGI Mecha-Kong in 1960s Tokyo.

--The film really hits a slow spot when our three heroes end up at Dr. Who's base. Though, the scenes of Kong digging for Element X are pretty amusing. Hysterically, when I first saw this on DVD, I had earlier seen an episode of Dora The Explorer where she asked the audience to help her dig like a dog would. As soon as Kong started digging I was irresistably forced to imitate it.

--I think Element X is just more trouble than it's worth. The only way it'd be harder to dig out is if it were guarded by giant monsters. Hell, then it might be easier--Mecha-Kong and King Kong could both probably easily kill another monster or two. As it is Mecha-Kong just shorts out and King Kong snaps out of his hypnotic state to escape.

--Gotta wonder how Kong survives not only running loose in the Arctic, but then swimming in Arctic waters. He's a tropical ape, after all, not a giant one of those mountain apes or a giant Yeti.

--Dig the 60s swingin' music when Madam X is talking w/ the three heroes. And why does Dr. Who ask the three if King Kong can stay in the water a long time? And how do the three actually know that Kong swims from island to island as he pleases? So far the most they've seen him swim is from Mondo Island to their sub in Mondo's bay. That's the equivalent of me swimming from the shallow end of the pool to the deep end.

--Sadly, the showdown between King Kong and Mecha-Kong is rather lame by comparison to what the audience must have expected. Pretty much a minor squabble, a couple destroyed buildings, and then the ape and robot just climb Tokyo Tower playing chicken until Mecha-Kong loses the competition and shatters at the base of the tower.

--See, if Dr. Who had put lasers in Mecha-Kong's eyes instead of bright lights, Kong would have been easy pickings. Also, he probably shouldn't have put the hypno-doohickey right on top of Mecha-Kong's head where Mr. One-Shot could pick it off w/ a rifle.

--And Dr. Who's a moron. King Kong is an animal, he doesn't understand the concept of, "Do what I'm telling you or I drop the girl."

--Still, I love how after she sabotages the controls, Dr. Who has his henchmen let go of Madam X so he can shoot her--once in each breast, seemingly.

--Man, though, that Tokyo Tower model is impressive.

--If I ever have a mortal enemy and he's in a ship leaving harbor, I hope I have Kong around to send after the ship and sink it. Sure, Godzilla's usually a more reliable ship destroyer, but he's generally less obedient unless you're a little boy named Kenny.

--Man, not only does Dr. Who's ship get sunk w/ him trapped in it, but he dies spitting up blood. Perfect villain death.

--And Lt. Watson, if you didn't want Kong to leave you shouldn't have hurt his feelings. Next time he finds a blonde woman being menaced by a dinosaur he'll probably just let her get eaten. Thanks a lot, Susan.

On a similar note, if anybody reads this makes bumper stickers, I have an idea for an offensive bumper sticker.

Put a picture of King Kong on top of the Empire State Building and next to it put the words, "KING KONG DIED FOR OUR SINS!"

It's genius!!!
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